Pain and Pleasure vs Attachment and Being

Wow, is happening. Wow as I watch my mind, my body, my fcking soul all together, hand in hand, working, separating, talking, shitting, arguing, I am high as I sit and work on some text I say, no you can't take it anymore, you're gonna fall; and yet I can, I only get higher and higher, like dizzyness is striking me.

This is crazy. I am not intrigued -or perhaps I am- in what's happening, things are just happening. And yet nothing's happening as we are fcking bound to live each day with no real control, with no real solution, with no real anything if anything's for real.

I shall better watch Hunger tonight. ever satisfy your hunger? Do you wait for it to let go?

A couple of attachments to the question of hunger, to the question of belonging, to the question of identity, to the question of survival and being what the fckever, has arrived in the last two days, my mind being in such hight, over my talks with Georg, and my dear friend Tolga.

First Georg told me about loosing trace of his close friend and later receving his news from the jail he was in; that, he became involved in terrorist attacks and with fundementalist islam -el kaida. Him being, really a smart guy, with good education and all that bullshit you think when you think of someone. All you want to ask is What? What is happening? What has happened with you? Why? Why?

I told him I understand what it is. That which you can't put into words. That over-highness of the mind, that feeling which comes and goes and so at a point you can not ever survive with overwhelming yourself. You want to believe! You want to belong! You want to stop being the intellectual, the enlightened, the whatever fictive being you are entitled to be.

You go wild: You go sick.

And later at night we made the talk with Tolga. Not the same one, but again, so realted: on identity, on values, how does with whom and where we are, define who we are. This is wild. Realising you can be anyone, anywhere, control or lose control what ever but only then, a smell of a veg. soup would make you at once to get on your knees and cry; or something that extreme. You feel one'ness, and belong all at once. Something completely irrational. How can one ever fight with that? You fall sick.

I read a super cool article in Wired last month which was talking on adaptation to pain and breaking away from happiness. Face pain it says, and look at it in the face. Of course we know this fact from all eastern phylosophies but making it through experiments it proved, the article showed. Anyway, There is strong evidence for biological connections between the neurochemical pathways used for the perception of pain and those involved in the perception of pleasure and other psychological rewards.