Am leaving Starnberger see

karara vardıktan sonra son iki yılın özeti

çıkar yücelerden haber sorarım

solarken dağların gümüş yaldızı

bilmem neredeyim

neyi ararım

uyanır içimde

derin bir sızı.

derim neden yoksul

gezdiğim bağlar

yok mu bu ellerde

benimle ağlar

sesime ses verir dumanlı dağlar

derdime eş olur bir çoban kızı.

:(:)

sevdiğimi özledim.

B.E.S.T W.E.S.T at Dukatz Restaurant in Munich!

Like everything, our identities are packed, branded; we come to be
known and categorised by our nationalities. This is the new stage we
arrived at this millenium: "Identity packages, menus".
For the last two decades, the notion of White Turks as the so called
westerners, "the wealthy white collard" has been dominating the
socio-cultural debates on the Turkish identity. The notion has been
called to death with the new islamic bias and white collared liberal
Turks has started to evolve to or be replaced by the sunni Turks.
I first heard the B.E.S.T W.E.S.T in a friends's circle, not on media,
or anything. I thought this is it! This is just the branding Turkey
needs. (Of course ironically.) Especially now that it is being
discussed what it means to be Turkish in Europe... Let's discuss it.
What does it mean? I worked a logo for it. The logo reminds us the
cresent moon of the Turkish national flag -also accepted in semiotics
as a symbol for the islamic rule- but also a parachute balloon that
the star holds onto. The identity, like a puffed balloon is an
umbrella which people are shielded.

Untitled 38

Kendine I/Me,

köprüler altında annemin 7 katmanı.

Uğuldur balcılar, eller dağlır; erkler hüzünlü

tok bir ses.

(Dansı seviyordum. Kimse beni davet etmiyor. hiç bilmiyordum neden ile. Baktıkça,

Bitmiyor seni sevmem.) Jeo-perdü. Top yekün kayması. Zeminsel ve içsel tedaviler. Self kanalizasyon, kanatarak, cümleten uzak. Ve marş pübik: Herkes duysun! İdeolojikdir sevgimiz. Kültürel bir simoni karşılığı verilemez usturalar, robdöşambrlar.

Şşşş. Kontr geriliyor.

Ussuz veda. Kara bakışla yanan ciyer atlamadan bu gece kimsenin duymayacağı ses yasak, sınıf artık, izlerken eteklerinde gusül, zamanın kırgınlığında sevmem seni, sevmem. Filmik bir ekperians, kendisi. cinsi hatıran ve kuvvetli çekilesi biraz kompleks plesir aramızdaki

böyle şeyler ve martılar.

Ben/Ben. Makat evde münzevi. Hanımın parmakları kadar uzun boyumuz. Kutup kabilesi, poker play evlatlar, Doğu Beyazın eteklerinde yata cenkler.

Sevincinizle ilgimiz yoktur. Büyümüş inançlıyız. N’olur dokunmayın. Soylu bir janrın kursağında-

Korkuyoruz.

Meyilliyiz elbet. Mecburan ırkı titreşir denk

vahşi, pençik

Şşşş.

jöndür kondüktör.

Güveniniz, bırakınız dizginleri.

3. I am That

http://www.anandavala.info/miscl/I_Am_That.pdf

oyht

Tuhaf Işık. Queer Light. 2010

Before sunrise! 2009.

Pain and Pleasure vs Attachment and Being

Wow, is happening. Wow as I watch my mind, my body, my fcking soul all together, hand in hand, working, separating, talking, shitting, arguing, I am high as I sit and work on some text I say, no you can't take it anymore, you're gonna fall; and yet I can, I only get higher and higher, like dizzyness is striking me.

This is crazy. I am not intrigued -or perhaps I am- in what's happening, things are just happening. And yet nothing's happening as we are fcking bound to live each day with no real control, with no real solution, with no real anything if anything's for real.

I shall better watch Hunger tonight. ever satisfy your hunger? Do you wait for it to let go?

A couple of attachments to the question of hunger, to the question of belonging, to the question of identity, to the question of survival and being what the fckever, has arrived in the last two days, my mind being in such hight, over my talks with Georg, and my dear friend Tolga.

First Georg told me about loosing trace of his close friend and later receving his news from the jail he was in; that, he became involved in terrorist attacks and with fundementalist islam -el kaida. Him being, really a smart guy, with good education and all that bullshit you think when you think of someone. All you want to ask is What? What is happening? What has happened with you? Why? Why?

I told him I understand what it is. That which you can't put into words. That over-highness of the mind, that feeling which comes and goes and so at a point you can not ever survive with overwhelming yourself. You want to believe! You want to belong! You want to stop being the intellectual, the enlightened, the whatever fictive being you are entitled to be.

You go wild: You go sick.

And later at night we made the talk with Tolga. Not the same one, but again, so realted: on identity, on values, how does with whom and where we are, define who we are. This is wild. Realising you can be anyone, anywhere, control or lose control what ever but only then, a smell of a veg. soup would make you at once to get on your knees and cry; or something that extreme. You feel one'ness, and belong all at once. Something completely irrational. How can one ever fight with that? You fall sick.

I read a super cool article in Wired last month which was talking on adaptation to pain and breaking away from happiness. Face pain it says, and look at it in the face. Of course we know this fact from all eastern phylosophies but making it through experiments it proved, the article showed. Anyway, There is strong evidence for biological connections between the neurochemical pathways used for the perception of pain and those involved in the perception of pleasure and other psychological rewards.

risking your life

- have you found what you are looking for?

- I have found nothing. I don't know how to search. There's never any answer. What can I do know? I am desperate.

what everybody knows

like you say you do (miss misery)

change position!

Debra Granik on Down to the Bone:

The traditional storyline in an American film is usually in the form of a V shape. I am oversimplifying, but we see someone tumbling down, they hit bottom, and then they rise up again and find redemption. Anyone who personally, tangentially or culturally knows anything about addiction is aware that it resembles an EKG. Up and down, up and down. Very few people ever get clean on the first or second attempt. For many people, it’s something they have to try over and over again. You get knocked down and ask all the ethical questions like how many chances do you give a person? When is the last chance? How many chances do they get? Can you imagine how difficult it is to fit that in a feature-length film? But those are the questions that are worth asking...

it is always about sex

zaman zaman

burdan dağa yol olur.